Devotional Gemstone
The 1 day Read
Gemstones
I read the book below in one night. The kind of book where I stayed up all night with my Lord and my journal. No sleep, but in the morning I felt like I wasn't losing my marbles anymore.
The knowledge helped me make choices to step OUT away from the abuse. After all, I wasn't Shining, at all. I was living isolated and afraid. Afraid of the next outburst, the next shoe to drop, the next reveal of deception, the next accusation, the next moment where I'd have to barter a little more of my self worth just so that the children in the other room didn't endure any backlash. My dear Pastor said to me, "Sweetie, you might have flushed the toilet, but you're still in the toilet!"
Don't take my word for it, read this little comment that caught my attention and maybe it will catch yours too.
“This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health
Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued in a relationship, and to find ways to get free of abuse.
In Why Does He Do That?
you will learn about:
• The early warning signs of abuse
• The nature of abusive thinking
• Myths about abusers
• Ten abusive personality types
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What you can fix, and what you can’t
• And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely
What does that even mean? In my counseling sessions, often referred to it as, "he is beating me in plain sight, but since he's not leaving behind any marks, he gets away with it."
I didn't recognize that Coercive Control was what I was experiencing, at first. It wasn't until my forensic psychologist, whom later became my ADA Advocate alongside me through custody trials, actually started finishing my sentences when I was diagnosed with PTSD did I understand. She would speak and I felt like a window into my soul bursted open. Finally, somebody who got it and didn't minimize it down into some he said/she said level playing field.
I used to call it "hell's fury." If I didn't comply with every demand then I was guaranteed the same result, hell's fury was coming. It was required of me to meet every demand placed on me, no matter how bazaar, don't dare ever say "No," to a coercive controller, even if there was clear valid reasons for doing so.
If there were clear moral and safety first reasons to say "No," I was sure to suffer some sort of punishment for doing so. I became the best appeaser on this side of the planet. Inevitably, I would find myself having no choice, but to say No, and with no second thought I bite the side of my mouth and braced myself for impact. Silent treatments and long emotional withdrawal were going to be my punishment. Often times, even if one level abuse stops, abusers find other ways to further the abuse.
The worse of them being, the threat of taking the children away from me for whatever reason as a game to torment. Sometimes, your ex gets involved with a new spouse and depending on the level of entitlement that spouse decides is worth fighting for creates a new perpetrator in the situation. In my experience, divorced couples usually can work things out without others projecting their opinions and beliefs into the situation. In my case, I quickly realized that my ex husbands wife put him to shame. Though, she often used his email, as if I didn't know the style of both of their writings, every Monday and Tuesday, I would received about 3-5 harassing emails coercively telling me wearing me down.
I share more about this on the Legal Abuse page.
Let's acknowledge that some divorces can have a period where emotions are very high and each party desires to hurt the other one.
So, what is Coercive Control? Coercive control virtually removes the civil rights from family members. It is a form of battery where there is always threat of or actual physical attack in the face of noncompliance. With children, threats of legal action against the mother, use of privileges and rewards, physical intrusions control the children’s behaviors. (Dr. Karin Huffer)
I can't count how many times I've looked up to my Father in Heaven and said, "Seriously, Lord, why are you letting this happen?" Every single time, the God of the Universe reminded me of His words, a scripture gemstone to keep in your wallet or purse, or make your screensaver, " As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." Joshua 1:5