After my second emergency hearing, and few years after reading "Walking on Eggshells," I took to the internet once again. Attorney's, parent coordinators, and sometimes, even friends and family, don't have the words to soothe your soul. These books also helped me learn my very next steps in the midst of crisis. My reactions are everything and allowing others to steal my power gives them victory at a cheap price. Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse

Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better—many of these “persuasive blamers” leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way.

Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, coauthor of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way.

Turn to this guide to help you:

• Predict what your spouse may do or say in court
• Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking
  
• Choose a lawyer who understands your case
  
• Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you
  

The  1 day Read 

Gemstones

Devotional Gemstone

I often tell moms who are complaining about the absent father providing them no financial help that I envy them. When they look at me with this bazaar stare, I share my story of how I receive child support monthly, but it's tied up in legal fees defending myself against false accusations.

It's no shock to my family (and sadly my children) when we see a sheriff pull into the driveway. Not because we've done something wrong, but because most legal filings require the other party to be served. Getting served is a great opportunity to speak up about the numerous cases where an officer has to respond to a domestic disturbance. I ask them if they've ever asked themselves, "why does she stay with him?" 

After asking the officer this loaded question, usually they are nodding their head in agreement. I take this opportunity to share with them that they are looking at the face of what it looks like when they do get out. We've all had that friend that we've finally had to distance ourselves from because we just don't understand why they stay with someone who treats them so poorly. I have huge empathy for these victims. 

A parent's natural instinct is to protect their children. It's easy to pass judgement, but none of us really know what that victim is afraid of or how they've been threatened. I've walked on eggshells for many years trying to diffuse situations and put out fires around every corner. If you've taken time to read my page regarding Coercive Control then you already know how, and what, threat my abuser held over my head. An invisible battery.

Two emergency hearings, two visits from Department of Social Services, several Motions/Request for Sanctions, yet no abuse or crime was committed. This is usually where I lose people's attention and they start to look at me with suspicion. Even the security guys at the courthouse, I swear they are looking at me weird. Like they've seen me before, but just can't put their finger on it. Instead of feeling overwhelming pressure from their stares, I blurt out, "you know, I should get a Starbucks punch card for how many times I HAVE to be here." They laugh, and it lightens up my mood too.

When abusers create chaos that's swirling around it's natural to doubt the person that's being accused. The doubt campaign is exactly what the abuser wants to create. If the focus is on me, then the eyes are off of him.

Standing in a courtroom, listening to him blurt out accusation after accusation, I can visually see the protective bubble start to form around me so I can drown out all the noise. Tears stream down my face because I can't fathom that this was the same man I invited to my property for his own son's birthday party. Anger levels rise when I begin to internally scream at myself for allowing the preverbal rug to get yanked out from underneath my feet once again. "Ughhhhh, what was I thinking, I thought we were past all this. Our court order specifically says he can't do this anymore. Why would he do this again?"

It didn't matter how I contributed to our co-parenting relationship the moment I said "no" to a request, hell's fury was banging down my front door again. What did I say no to, you might ask? I could say "yes" a thousand times and it wouldn't be enough. The moment that I needed to say "no" and didn't concede to the last minute demand, the facade of friendliness was over. 

I spent thousands of dollars with experienced attorney's rewording our parenting agreement just so there would be no room for interpretation and I'd be protected from contempt petitions It was impossible to misinterpret the new guidelines we were both to follow for holidays, conflict resolution, medical expenses, etc. Wait! Did I already share that because our case was considered high conflict, we also have a parent coordinator with decision making authority. 

After the first emergency hearing, and frightening experience with Department of Social Services, I had the agreement reworded again (another few thousand dollars) to incorporate another clause that covered using DSS without contacting the parent coordinator in good faith with concerns. After all, false accusations against the other parent subjects the children to unnecessary conflict and emotional turmoil too.

I disillusioned myself to believe that as long as I had boundaries in writing, court papers with the guidelines, sole physical and legal custody, and the law, then nothing bad like this could ever happen again. I had to walk through these following statements with some tough emotion followed by days of tears. Even sharing these statements now doesn't really describe the hopeless feelings that land in your lap with hearing them. These didn't all come from the same person, at the same time, rather a 4 year journey and they do not mean you will experience the same things. If you are reading every page of this site then more than likely you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

• 90% of cases resolve out of court. 10% appear before a judge, 5% of those cases one party has a personality disorder.
  
• Court Orders are for Law Abiding Citizens
• Jails are filled with people who disregard the law
• If you really are dealing with a Narcissist with Sadistic features there is only one course of action for you...Run!
  
• He's not going to ever be done until he devours you or ends up in jail, whichever comes first.
  
• There are judges who won't even enforce their own orders
• And, the best one of them all...This is a civil matter, we can't help you.
  

Where does that leave me? Just as the song below says, "I found my life, when I laid it down...I touched the sky when my knees hit the ground." Hillsong

When I came to that place in my life, not even by my own doing, there is only one way to look while in that ditch...UP! Broken once again, and partly because I allowed myself to be duped again, and partly because all this knowledge and wisdom came along the journey.

Legal Abuse

​"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." 

​Galatians 6:9