Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times
by Stormie Omartian
When our losses are so severe, we feel like a light has gone out inside us. And, nothing can turn it back on except the restoration of that which is NO MORE.
It leaves a hole in our heart the size of the Grand Canyon. But even if what we lost can never be brought back, the part of our life that has DIED as a result can be made to live again.
It wasn't until I finally gave up trying to deal with the grief myself and surrendered it to God that I began to find RELIEF.
As I walked, STEP BY STEP, with Him through each day, He gave me the LIGHT I needed for that MOMENT, THAT HOUR.
He became my consolation. He led me to people who understood my loss, whose love and prayers brought healing.
During dark times of loss, whether it's the death of a loved one, a crippling disease or injury, divorce, a straying child, the end of a relationship, or the loss of home or finances, we grieve because someone or something we love is no longer part of us.
Life as we once knew it was forever destroyed.
These kinds of losses can bring such pain that we wonder if we will survive them, and if we do, will we ever feel anything other than the pain? Will it hurt forever? Will life ever feel normal again?
"I can count a million times, people asking me how I can praise You with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly
change who I forever am in You."
Mercy Me- Bring the Rain
Just Enough Light
1 Day Read
Gemstone
I can remember finding this book in the column to the right when I felt no light on the path ahead of me. A dark night of betrayal led me on the path of holding not just myself up, but the kids, home, bills, and the broken appliances too.
I prayed for God to shout truth from rooftops, but when that truth ripped off the blanket of denial that had protected me for years there was no stopping what came flooding in. Unbearable feelings of being powerless twisting my stomach with painful fear. Life as I knew it no longer existed and there was no denying the situation anymore.
Ten years later, and I'm still enduring situations like what I felt that night. "Life happens, all of the sudden, and then you realize that it was there all along."
Some of these darkest moments, I knew God's promise, "He will never leave you, nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6, but, the darkness felt too dark, and too overwhelming. As if they were scoffing and laughing at me while my life was flipping upside down, face first, into the trenches. Where do I even start? How can I handle all this on my own? What about our children's broken hearts and shattered dreams? Why have you forsaken me? Didn't I pray hard enough?
I was focusing all my energy on how this must have been what it felt like when God did forsake his child. I grab "what seems like the end is really just the beginning." The first part of Deuteronomy 31:6 couldn't be ignored. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you..."
Amazing presence, He tried to reach my broken heart to reassure me. Crying out to him in the car, "if you knew what this felt like you wouldn't allow the wreckage into my life, or into the lives of my children, your children." And, He responded at the next traffic light on the back of a large garbage truck, GOD KNOWS, TRUST HIM. Yep, that's exactly letter for letter what it said.
I'd like to say that I trusted Him from that moment on, especially after a bold reply to my tearful cry. Interesting thing about a traumatic blow to the heart, when the lights go down at night, the quiet is a constant reminder of what your life no longer looks like. Being afraid of them, the spiritual war going on in the shadows for your soul, throws everything and the kitchen sink at you. My struggle was that it became easier to flip the switch and shut off all aching feelings. At least then, it wouldn't hurt so bad. As long as I functioned off adrenaline, then the crash from running all day on that adrenaline ensured my exhaustion, so that I could get some sleep.
Hindsight is 20/20. My shifting my trust from Christ to my own strength, and my ability to bury my emotions, only prolonged the inevitable. I was coming face to face with FULLY trusting God one way or another. Nowadays, when sleep eludes me because the hurt is occupying my mind, I sing the lyrics to these songs to rock my mind to sleep. God Knows what I need at night. And, when I Trust Him, I'm fast asleep, and wake up with renewed strength for the next day. Who knew that the Holy Spirit was also the sandman.
God's strength isn't just words, it's available for us as a lifeline. A vibrant clear blue stream of living water flowing right into our soul, if we'd only just ask Him. In one of my bible studies, I heard a lady say that she didn't ask God for little things, she asked Him only for the big stuff because he was busy. Well, then I was quite needy because I asked him for front row parking spots. "Just enough light for the step I'm on," looked sometimes like dragging four kids to the grocery store and us praying for a front row spot.
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12
"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31
This song by Mercy Me came out in 2007, the year that another phase of this journey began. Whether I wrestled with slowly fading away by using my own strength or thriving by resting in His, I believed the words in this song. I loved God of the universe, and I knew in the deep parts of my soul, His plans were to prosper me, not to harm me.
"Bring me anything that brings You glory. And, I know there'll be days, when this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain."