Grab a journal and dig right into this remarkable book. It changed my life.
Everytime, I hear Carrie Underwood's song, Cowboy Casanova, I belly laugh now because it's as if she was singing that song right to my soul. Probably sounds mean, but I especially love to chuckle now at the lyrics that say, "he looks like a cool drink of water, but he's really just candy coated misery."
Pay close attention to the words I underlined below, such as early warning signs of unhealthy, wiser choices, and avoiding pain. Those three statements caught my attention when reading the back cover.
Remember, abuse is not your fault. Some abusers are predators and you didn't stand a chance against. You didn't have this knowledge when they caught you up in their web. Don't beat yourself up. Take steps and action that will leave a legacy behind for your children's children.
Date or Soul Mate?: How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less Paperback – August 30, 2005 by Neil Clark Warren
In the glamorous haze of early romantic attraction it's hard to know whether a relationship will lead to true love-or to a negative or even catastrophic relationship.
This book helps men and women who want healthy and satisfying marriages identify the early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Dr. Warren shows readers how to hold out for God's best for their lives instead of settling for the first one to come along and outlines the factors that increase the chances for marital success.
For those who want to become wiser in their relationship choices, this practical guide will help them find the love they want and avoid the pain they don't need.
Devotional Gemstone
Soulmate
Gemstone
How did I get here?
On another page of this website, at the bottom of my 1 Day Read Gemstone, I shared a powerful statement that was delivered to my ears with a smile and a hug. "Sweetie, you might have flushed the toilet, but you're still in the toilet."
Don't panic! When a comment like this is delivered from someone who has your best interest at heart, I couldn't hear it as criticism, rather genuine love and concern. In my times of isolation, the fear of rejection made comments like these keep me stuck in the realms of isolation. I allowed myself to hear what I wanted to hear.
So, how did I get here? How did I get in the place? Did I do something to cause all of this? Do I deserve this kind of treatment? What if I work harder at being a better person, spouse, or mother? What if I find better ways to tell him this is hurting me? Does he really mean it when he says he's sorry? How did I get to this place where a toilet flushing reference is being used to encourage me to change?
You'd think after a toilet reference I'd heard it all. Nope. Another dear friend pulls me aside, at the sitters and says to me, "you know, I love you, right?" Oh boy, we all know those kinds of conversations. "You are a beautiful person inside and out. I love you. You deserve better things. I see it like this, you've got one more shot to get this right. It starts with this....," as he handed me another book, I would later read in one night.
What in the world does he mean by that comment, "you've got one more shot to get this right?" Is he trying to say this is all my fault? NO! No one deserves to be abused because another person refuses to handle their own inner turmoil with respect for others above themselves.
One of my biggest struggles with stumbling through the rough current of abuse is that when I wanted to talk about what the other person was doing to me somehow the focus felt like it was directed towards me. It might have felt that way at the time, but deep down inside my inner conviction was already screaming at me, "why do you keep picking these kinds of men?"
What my loved one's, family and friends were trying to get me to see was that I had a choice. I don't have to accept this in my life anymore. I can find refuge for all the unknowns that frighten me in Christ. I can move forward with the God of the Universe holding my hand.
And, then I can look inward and backward to my very first relationship and evaluate
where I began to allow the desensitization of wrong trample me, as God's precious flower.
So, I decided not to over analyze the "flushing toilet/one shot" comments and just do the
homework placed before me. God has a plan to prosper me, not harm me!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11