I read the book below in one night. The kind of book where I stayed up all night with my Lord and my journal. No sleep, but in the morning I felt like I wasn't losing my marbles anymore.
The knowledge helped me make choices to step OUT away from the abuse. After all, I wasn't Shining, at all. I was living isolated and afraid. Afraid of the next outburst, the next shoe to drop, the next reveal of deception, the next accusation, the next moment where I'd have to barter a little more of my self worth just so that the children in the other room didn't endure any backlash. My dear Pastor said to me, "Sweetie, you might have flushed the toilet, but you're still in the toilet!"
Don't take my word for it, read this little comment that caught my attention and maybe it will catch yours too.
“This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health
Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued in a relationship, and to find ways to get free of abuse.
In Why Does He Do That?
you will learn about:
• The early warning signs of abuse
• The nature of abusive thinking
• Myths about abusers
• Ten abusive personality types
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What you can fix, and what you can’t
• And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely
Devotional Gemstone
What is abuse?
Physical ▪ Emotional ▪ Verbal ▪ Coercive Control ▪ Sexual ▪ Harassment ▪ Legal ▪ Financial Abuse
In my journey, I am the female on the receiving end of abuse. I acknowledge that abuse takes many forms and rears it's ugly head in both genders. If you are noticing any signs of aggression from your mate it's important to speak up to someone close or even your church right away. Take steps to move forward towards the clearing that awaits you.
I found myself minimizing the smaller situations such as shoving a bowl of noodles at my face when I didn't comply with a controlling demand. After all, it wasn't an actual hit, right? YES! It took something jolting like my Sissy saying to me, "I can't take it, do you realize you've given him a step by step account of the three things you bought at the store and exactly how much each one cost?"
I describe my experience with Domestic Violence as a skin crawling disease that covered me in a blanket of fear and oppression. Before I knew it I was fully submerged and ignoring the agonizing conviction in my heart (which developed into stomach anxiety) to GET OUT! Why? Because of my own pride, fear of rejection and fear of more financial burden.
I came across a gemstone (picture below) that I hung on my wall. I read it everyday and each day I got one more step closer to walking away from a place God didn't call me to be. I've changed homes since then and I'm no longer in an abusive relationship, but the picture with all it's traveling blemishes, still remains on my wall, as a reminder of where I used to be.
Conviction! Every great oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who STOOD THEIR GROUND!
That conviction didn't mean I needed to stand toe to toe with my abuser. It simply meant for me to stand my ground regarding my inner convictions that God designed through the Holy Spirit to navigate me away from harm. Standing my ground looked like learning and practicing how to not allow myself to be worn down, minimized, or made to feel crazy or guilty anymore.
In reading my journey, there's so many gemstones to not skip over. For example, this section right here →
Yes, I'm one of those readers that finds myself reading the front cover, back cover, and then jump to the table of contents, so that I can bounce right over to the chapters that catch my attention. I read through this book, start to finish, IN ONE NIGHT!
Just in case you're like me, I will give you the beginning and the final bullet point:
▪ The early warning signs of abuse
▪ How to get out of an abusive relationship safely
What a better way to understand your inner conviction then to seek wisdom!
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)